the Room

July 12, 2013 § Leave a comment

I am sitting in my room. My head feels heavy. No specific reason. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I think of what to do. I lie down on my bed. My mind is completely blank. No thoughts. Nothing. I drift off to sleep.
I wake up. I find myself in a room. A square room. The room is empty. No furniture. No showpiece. Pure plain white. Absolute marble. I am barefoot. The floor is neither hot nor cold. I am wearing pure white overalls. My mind is blank. The room is white. I am not scared. Pin-drop silence prevails around me and I can hear myself breathe.  I wonder where I am. I start having illusions of faint colours. Maybe the whiteness is affecting my eyes. I shift in my place and look around the room. No doors, no windows. I move a step forward. It is so white with slight llusions of colours which I have started having. I take a deep breath. Move another step forward. I then start moving around the room. Feeling the walls. Looking for some sign. I stand at one corner of the room and move towards the middle of the room with graceful steps. I spread my arms and swirl in my place. I feel like dancing. I hear a sound. I listen quietly. No sound. Another trick of my mind. I stretch myself and start moving around the room. In a dancer’s manner. I do some random movements. Random movements. I start a random piece of classical dance with the tune in my head. The music is now heard clearly but at a distance. It becomes louder. The wall corners start to soften. They merge. The room starts becoming round. Stability figure. The floor feels comfortably warm. The music now becomes louder. I see myself wearing a classical dance costume. The room is now having different hues. A myriad of hues. The music is loud and clear.I do a complete dance piece. With graceful steps I move around. The exact pauses, the graceful mudras , accurate and energetic postures. It feel so elegant. I perform the steps that I have never done before. Never learnt before. I dance on a tune that I have never heard before. I feel the euphoria. Then suddenly I think, ” Is it true? Am I dreaming? How is it possible? This is false. I can’t do something that I have not done or heard or seen before. “
I stop. I just stand. I was back to how I woke up. All white. Square one. Silence. Breathing heavily. Only one difference, the whiteness is not pure. Some gray in it. I feel sad Everything got over so suddenly. It just seemed like a few minutes.
Euphoria was over.
The room becomes grayer. I feel even more sad. My clothes start becoming gray. The room becomes black. I was black.
No light. Pitch black. I am now scared. The blackness increases. Never have I seen such darkness in my life. I  take a step forward. I cry for help. I fall on the floor. I keep crying. I feel cold . The floor is cold. It seems like so long. My eyes get accustomed to the darkness. Nothing is visible but I stop crying. I stand up. I search the room for some source of light though I know there is none. I move in one direction. Hit myself with the wall. I bang the walls.Move all around the room. Shout loud hoping someone will hear. Search for light. Hope for light. I search for so long. It seems like hours have passed. Suddenly I see some light as if coming from beneath a door. I feel relieved and move towards it. I come to the point where the light is coming from. Search for a handle or a knob. It is just a wall. A plain wall. I bend down  to see from the gap of light. I try kicking the wall. Push it hard. I smile at my own comical attempts of breaking the wall but I still continue. It does not move even a bit. I try moving it 2-3 times again. No movement. But my fear is fading. I am still scared but have a certain hope. I keep up my confidence and faith. I take deep breaths. I keep pushing and kicking the wall.
Suddenly the wall vanishes. It is so bright. The light blinds me. It is as if time has slowed down.
I see light rays rushing into the room and mixing with black. It is like paints mixing with water. Vivid patterns of black and white engross into the each other. Flowing into each other. The black turns gray as more light was flows in. Finally the room fills with light.
My mind fills with light. Every cell in my body enlightens. It is floating. Anti-Gravity. The room vanishes. I am free.
I am in the middle of a place. People all around me. Running, talking, laughing, happy, sad, all doing some thing or the other work. Responsibilities obligations. Fulfillment . Everyone is unique in their way. Nature, character, physical, emotional….
But one thing is common to all. They are all in ” the room”. They are going through the phases of white, hues, gray and black. Some are in the white. Some are bathing in colours. Some are trapped in the black. Some are banging the walls in the white room. Some are banging the walls in  black room.
I move forward on the road. The road I have chosen. Hopefully I’ll find someone ahead or after me soon.
I wake up. I open my eyes. Back to reality. Or is it one? Whatever it is I am back to it. An escape from it helps me move on with my work in it. I hope I’ll be free from this ” room” in ” it”. Someday…..

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