not-so-strange being a stranger
January 22, 2017 § 1 Comment
Being a stranger to self and others maybe the best thing I realised I could be to someone and to myself.
No, this is not coming out of helplessness that others ( and sometimes I) tend to leave me in but because this is the best way I can be of help to anyone and for self.
In the context of others, being a stranger is helpful because one behaves better with a stranger than one does with someone known. We ( at least most of us) are most empathetic towards the ones we don’t know about. We are least judgmental about them because we know nothing about them. No preconceived notions and no formed ideas as well. This makes us better listeners. That is how we understand people and make friends. Once we have made relations with friends and maybe found our lovers in the same way, why the sudden statements like, “I know you, you are not like this” or “I knew you, how can you be like this” starts cropping up. There is increased judgement and expectation. Why so? Judging and having expectations has never helped because a person faces a different situation everyday and nobody knows best how he/she will react. It is quite possible for the other to be as surprised at themselves as the other is, at a reaction to a situation. Judging self and the other will never help in this case.
When someone says ” I know” to my problem, it makes me think that “No, you don’t know because if you knew then maybe you wouldn’t have said this.” Making someone’s problem seem small or worthless not only reduces someone else’s worth for themselves but also makes the other feel judgmental about themselves. The problem might really be small but it has to be self-realised by that person. Denigrating someone will never help one see a situation or an issue in the way you want them to see it.
This brings me to being a stranger to self. Reasons are same. Since we think we know ourselves, any new reaction, new thought, a different kind of thought from usual makes us think about ourselves and tends to shake up our equilibrium or an established level. This brings rise to dissent and we start looking at ourselves critically instead of being a mere observer of our reactions without any opinions attached. Such a tendency ( which is in most of us-including myself) doesn’t help us learn about either ourselves or others. All it does is make us suppress my natural reaction which leads to further inner dispute. How is one supposed to arrive at a solution or learn anything in a state of turmoil.
All of the above points to a single thing-being non-judgmental. How can one achieve that. I wish I knew. What I do know is that a person reduces judging others when he/she ends up being in the same situation as theirs. But that is not a feasible solution to this.
Why does a person judge the other? That is the question to be looked at as it will lead to a lot more questions and will bring us to a few points about human nature which can be looked at.
Hoping to dig deeper into this.